Now, I'm taking this (LJ link - won't take you anywhere dirty, if you know what I mean.) with a pillar of salt since it comes from the mendacious, pearl-clutching ninnies at the Daily Fail, but it's not entirely out of character for Dave and you know me; I can never resist an opportunity to take a pot-shot at the hollow, opinion-poll operated ( Read more... )

Puzzling.

Dear Graun,

Why is there no option C to this poll? Option C being RESIGN! RESIGN! CHRIST ALIVE, HOW ARE YOU EVEN CHANCELLOR IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE?

Oog. Serious fucking brain blockage this year, I swear to Darwin. I'm experiencing some kind of cognitive dissonance that goes a little bit like this ( Read more... )

It’s strange to think that this time last year I was shovelling drunks off the doorstep in Scabby-Mank Street and now I’m all posh and living up on the hill again. But it’s okay. I’m in no danger of losing touch with reality (ie. Drunks.) because all the local piss artists operate a sort of delivery system where they will come round and do drunky- ( Read more... )

We are, as Lord Alan Sugar weekly declares, in tough economic times. Apparently THIS ECONOMY has led to a dearth of many things, including businesspeople, which is why the five Apprentice semi-finalists are composed of an estate agent (Almost extinct), a Rapa-Nui statue, two blady wimmin and something that was presumably born too late to apply for ( Read more... )

In case you hadn't noticed, it's winter. It snowed quite a bit. Obviously, this is unusual because Britain is a country known for its boring and predictable weather which nobody ever talks about. Ever ( Read more... )

Get a tape measure handy, people.

Now watch this. Don't move.

Now take the tape measure and measure the distance from your jaw to the floor. Just for fun.

I mean, really? I know it's Fox News but even by their standards of White-Jesus-Blessed-America fucking balls-out crazy this particular crazy diamond shines on almost as bright as the Heene ( Read more... )

Anne Rice once again creates an kerfuffle, except this time she’s not being peculiar, embarrassing (Your mileage may vary) or yelling at people who didn’t like her books ( Read more... )

While vuvuzelas may be annoying, they are not the most annoying sound in the world. That dubious honour surely belongs to Douchebag, who is currently CAPSLOCKING away at the top of his fag-blackened lungs, threatening to break someone's fingers, shelling cockles and bitching the air blue about having to shell said cockles ( Read more... )

He's right though.
( Read more... )